I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
