3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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