I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
