If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
