I am puke
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
