Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
