if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
