I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
