I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
