Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
