Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
