peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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