Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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