And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
