You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
