i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
