OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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