Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
