allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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