he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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