dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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