So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What do you mean you havenโt had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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