All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
