i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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