I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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