if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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