If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
