True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
