True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
