i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
