forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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