i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
