That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
