we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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