I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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