I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
