Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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