someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
