I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
