I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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