too bad you live with your parents still
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
