dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We got so high we made milksteak
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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