When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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