I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
