Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
