I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
