Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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