If that was your dad, he is hot
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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