Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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