Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
