Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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