How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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