i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
